Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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