remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
