my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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