I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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