I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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