Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
