You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
third nipple confirmed
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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