Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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