Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Your dad touched me again.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i love accidental penises.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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