You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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