everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Princesses don't give blow jobs
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
