You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
