This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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