My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Randomize
