I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
