I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
