coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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