I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
