We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
