What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
