Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I am puke
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
