dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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