Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
