In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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