dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
