you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
