Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
