Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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