I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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