You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
pop tarts are not kleenex
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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