Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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