Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
