TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
