That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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