my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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