She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
