I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
