And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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