first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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