Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
