You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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