Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
do herpes really smell.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
