i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
