your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
