Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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