you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
