Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
