Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
