if you like me you must not know who I am
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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