wanna go halves on a baby?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
