I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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