So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
