Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
