I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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